Spartans / Senators
Hey, Sideline Satire.
Do you think the Spartans' shields had big disclaimers on the back of them at Thermopylae?
Tomahawk Chomp
You're just mad because a tomahawk chopping cow isn't funny.
Glen Davis
He'd be cuter without the hat.
Major League Soccer
Hey, *I* have season tickets to Major League Soccer. Damn.
Bean Billy?
Tony Tony you are full of baloney. Billy Crystal IS the Yankees. Everytime they show a Yankee documentary, Billy is quoted as he is very knowledgeable. It was just a dumb spring training game! You know, the season that never ends and bores us silly?
What is all this silliness about the tradition of baseball? That went out the window when the designated hitter rule came into being. There is no more tradition. Baseball players play for any team that pays them the highest dollar. Most take steroids to cheat the public.
Billy wanted one great moment. One moment in time. He had his Camelot moment. He looked damn good at the plate for 60 years of age too!
Catnip, I think your name says it all. What really grinds my gears about this is Crystal is a so-called baseball "purist." He of all people should know better.
--THE ESTATE OF TONY AUGUSTY
Beaning you would be better
If we are wishing bean balls on people, Ill wish one on a member of the self-important sanctimonious joy-killing press before someone who has along-standing well-known love affair with baseball. People hate the press more than they hate Billy Crystal playing baseball and your blurb is an example of why.
Believe me, if I was batting for the Yankees in spring, I would expect to be beaned.
--The Tony Augusty
Dear Aaron Downey
Dear Aaron Downey,
That was a totally lame waltz. Hugs and kisses,
Master of the Rink and the Dance Floor Apolo Ohno
Perhaps you haven't seen my other YouTube fight videos. And it's Apolo ANTON Ohno; everyone knows that.
--From the desk of Aaron Downey
Dear Digger Phelps
Dear Jamie Moyer's Father-in-Law,
I demand an immediate apology for your sullying of "Living on a Prayer" with your "dancing." You wouldn't know how to rock if it chock jayhawked you upside the head.
Signed,
Jon Bon Jovi
Who's a homer?
Dear Sideline Satire,
I take exception to you characterizing the radio call of last week's Georgetown-Villanova game as homerism. I will assume your tastes differ from those who enjoy a good nose-picking and belly-flashing. But surely you understand the passion elicited by the majesty of such an epic victory, so I will leave you with four words to frame the achievement: Villanova, 4 and 7.
Signed,
I Believe I Am A Great Announcer!
Mr. I Believe I Am A Great Announcer!:
You clearly are not the announcer in question. How dare you, sir.
--THE TONY AUGUSTY
What about us?
You left us off your list of long trips to Oregon!
Signed, Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire and that guy who drove them down I-5 in a pot-smoke-filled SUV
Sorry, my memory has gone to pot. It took me almost a month to come up with a response.
--The Tony Augusty
