Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Tue, May 13, 2008 at 8:59 PMComerica Park, relatively vermin-free
Finally, some good news for the Tigers. Portfolio.com did an investigation of the ballparks with the most health-code violations,�and Detroit didn't make the list. It turns out that rotten smell in Comerica Park was coming from the dugout, not any of the food vendors.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Mon, May 12, 2008 at 10:04 PMReel Hilarity: Tony Romo sings at a Cubs game
Tony Romo, trying to regain some face after not reaching the Super Bowl, takes to the mic at a Cubs game and does an amazing job. Just kidding; he stunk.
Maybe this means Jessica Simpson would make a really good quarterback.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Sat, May 10, 2008 at 11:35 AMReel Hilarity: Bill Murray, Cubs broadcaster
Here's some footage of comedic genius Bill Murray doing commentary at a Cubs game in 1987. It's a long clip, but more than two decades later, it's worth every second.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Fri, May 9, 2008 at 10:26 PMQueen Elizabeth's grandchick going to Olympics
Congratulations to Zara Phillips, granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II, who this week was named to England's equestrian team for the Beijing Olympics. Phillips first became interested in horses as a child, after getting a piggyback ride from Camilla Parker Bowles.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Thu, May 8, 2008 at 3:20 PMReel hilarity: Reds mascot loses his head
Want to traumatize your children? Show them this video of Reds mascot Mr. Redlegs losing his head during a pregame ride around the ballpark.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Wed, May 7, 2008 at 2:18 PMTim Tebow circumcises Filipino boys
Tim Tebow is Florida's quarterback and the reigning Heisman winner. But he's also a man of the people. Tebow visited his father's ministry in the Philippines recently, where he helped out at a medical clinic. By circumcising Filipino boys.
Tebow has no medical training, but doctors gave him the OK because of all the final cuts he's made playing football.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Mon, May 5, 2008 at 12:51 PM5 things to know about Randy Moss and NASCAR
Randy Moss announced he's forming a racing team, with the intention to compete in NASCAR's truck series. NASCAR, eager to add diversity to its lineup, agreed to a number of demands to get Moss on board:
1. The driver will only compete if he feels like it.
2. The truck is allowed to leave the track early if the driver knows he has no chance to win.
3. A moon roof will be installed for any races in Green Bay, Wis.
4. The driver is allowed to run over one rival pit crew member per race.
5. The team doesn't have pretend to care if a rival driver dies in a crash.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Mon, May 5, 2008 at 11:58 AMWheelchair backflip
Here's a neat clip of (allegedly) the first wheelchair backflip in history (fast forward to the 1-minute mark). I always thought the first to do it was O.J. Simpson in "The Naked Gun."
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Fri, May 2, 2008 at 2:39 PMRonaldo and the Brazilian transvestite prostitutes
Ronaldo, an international soccer megastar (which means he could walk unnoticed down the streets of most U.S. cities), is in hiding after an alleged extortion attempt involving transvestite prostitutes in Brazil.
The problem started when Ronaldo invited the dudes to a motel -- then realized they were dudes.
The scariest part of this story? Ronaldo offered the gentlemen of the evening $600 to leave, but they refused to be paid in dollars. The hotel manager had to convert Ronaldo's cash to Brazilian reals.
You know the U.S. economy is bad when even Brazilian transvestite hookers stop taking American dollars. I think it's actually a U.S. economic indicator, along with the federal interest rate and unemployment levels.
On top of that, prostitution is legal in Brazil. So let's look at the facts:
1. Ronaldo picks up prostitutes = not a problem.
2. Ronaldo tries to pay prostitutes in U.S. dollars = problem.
Start hunkering down for a recession, folks. And put your money in Euros. Our dollars will soon be about as valuable as season tickets to Major League Soccer.
Category: Sideline Satire
Posted by Tony Augusty on Thu, May 1, 2008 at 3:02 PMAvery little step you take
Sorry for the absence -- I've been on the disabled list the past few weeks with my first case of pneumonia. Anyway, let the laughter recommence.
And while I'm on the topic of ill health, I'd like to offer a get-well-soon to former Red Wing Sean Avery, who remains in intensive care with a lacerated spleen.
Avery's recovery has been slowed by goaltender Martin Brodeur, who keeps blocking the doctor's view of Avery's medical charts.
