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Category: Internet

I'm not sure niece should have Instant Messaging account

I knew this day was coming and for some reason I was really dreading it. My niece asked for an Instant Messaging account. Yes, once again, I know all the kids have one. We even use a version of it at work and it's great. But, does that mean I want my niece to have one at 11 years of age?

I asked her why she wanted an IM account. Her answer: So she can instant message with her BFF. What?!? Her BFF lives not even a full block down the street.

So, before I gave her an answer, I did some digging of my own. For an AOL Instant Messenger account, which seems to be the most popular version, there are a set of controls parents are able to use to monitor and set guidelines for kids' Internet activities. The parental control features allow you to approve the people your child is able to chat with while online. One feature that I like is that parents are able to set time frames as to when your child can be online - weekdays and weekends. Parents are also able to determine which Web sites their child can or cannot visit.

AOL also provides different versions of instant messaging, some just for younger kids:
KOLjr: designed for parents and preschoolers
KOL: created specifically for kids ages 6-12
RED: customizable for teenagers 13-17

Knowing that I can easily set up these types of safety measures is somewhat reassuring. Will I let her have an IM account? That's still to be determined. If I do, just like her cell phone, there will also be my own set of rules and guidelines she will have to follow.

You can check out AOL's parental controls so you can decide for yourself.

Do your kids have an instant messaging account? How old were they when you let them have an instant messaging account? Do you monitor what your kids do online?

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Category: Book raffle

Win books on soccer moms, creative families

Summer is coming, so it's time to stock up on "beach reads" and fun family activities.

I have two books to give away this week: one is some light/fun reading, the other is a helpful guide on how to have fun with your children.

In "The Creative Family: How to Encourage Imagination and Nurture Family Connections," author Amanda Blake Soule presents simple ways to use arts and crafts and other forms of creativity to deepen family connections.

"Carpool Diem" by Nancy Star shows another way to connect with your family as a corporate executive-turned stay at home mom finds the soccer sidelines are more cutthroat than a boardroom ever was.

So, if you are ready for some fun drop a line to MichMoms@detnews.com with BOOK RAFFLE in the subject line (and which book you'd like) along with your name, mailing address and phone number. Submit by midnight Sunday and I'll announce the winners early next week. Good luck!

And congratulations to Linda, Misty and Allison who won the last book raffles!

Category: Sex education

Let's talk about sex, baby

Undoubtedly one of the most difficult subjects to talk about with our kids is sex. Uncomfortable for us, uncomfortable for them.

It's a little easier when they're younger and still say things like "Yuck! That's where babies come from?" But once they hit the teen (and even pre-teen) years the thoughts are a little more everyday and the questions are never ending. Unfortunately, in many cases, they're asking the wrong people: their friends, other semi-clueless teens with undeveloped value systems and faulty information.

So, where do we start this discussion and how? What do we say? Will they even hear what we're saying?

Fortunately for those who live in Metro Detroit there are some really good resources to help you get started. For example, tonight Royal Oak Middle School will host a Talk Early & Talk Often workshop, a special parent-only program that offers parents ways to talk with their kids about abstinence and sexuality and support in following through with this critical task. The 90-minute workshop takes place in the ROMS Media Center on the second floor starting at 7 p.m. There are still seats available for parents to participate. Attendance is free, but registration is requested by calling (877) 827-5269 or sending an e-mail with your name, number of children and their ages to clemenswittekind@gmail.com

I'll be there, reinforcing what I'm trying to accomplish with my almost 14-year-old son.

If you can't make it tonight, you can find another session to attend later this year.

May is also Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. Although Wednesday was the official National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, the online quizzes for teens and parents will be available throughout the month of May to give everyone ample time to participate. You can review the Discussion Guide for Parents and great resources for your pre-teen/teen to check as well.

So there's a place to start. Dig in!

Category: Mother's Day

Reflections on Mother's Day

I sit beside my dining room window, spending time in reflection as I did much of Sunday, Mother's Day. Instead of the warm, sunny disposition normally associated with the day, it was pouring rain under thick gray clouds. It looked like perpetual dusk or the onset of night. It was soaking cold and the way it looked outside on Mother's Day was the way I felt inside.

As I sat at the window Sunday, my own reflection looking back, it occurred to me that most folks were having brunches or memorials, cradling flowers and lauding, or basking in, the glow of maternal accomplishment. It was a much quieter day for me.

The oldest kids were working - two in New York, one other in Ann Arbor. By noon, I'd had flowers and breakfast in bed courtesy of my 4-year-old and husband, and a nice morning at church. An honorary visit from my nearest son came with homemade cookies only the day before (Mrs. Fields, you have competition from his scratch recipe). Days before, I had asked my husband for the gift of space and time to reflect and write. Gift granted. I needed it, for I was raining inside.

All five kids were physically safe, sound and healthy. But one was on the fritz emotionally, mentally. She slept through most of Mother's Day. While most folks were busy commemorating, I was busy acknowledging with a closeted, silent minority of mothers. Acknowledging that for too many years I prayed that I would not have to bury one of my children. Acknowledging to myself that I was tire and weary -and allowing myself to feel it.

I'm fortunate, for most of the time her prognosis appears very good. But when things get bumpy I take nothing for granted, and lately, it's been bumpy. She's going through a rough transition.

I am grateful I've had 20-some Mother's Days. Most of the sunny disposition, but some have been gray and hazy. There were moments during this holiday when I wondered how many of us would make it to the second Sunday of May in the coming year, at day's end I counted it blessing enough that I could count all of us present.

Fortunately, dusk is my favorite time of day. The alteration of the sun's rays, even when thwarted by clouds, makes the colors of the pastures, trees and flowers around me deeper, cooler and jewel-like. More vivid and lush. Like hope, they glow even amidst clouds and soaking rain.

Category: Food

What's for dinner?

One of the biggest dilemmas in our household each day revolves around dinner. Who's going to make it? What are we having?

I'm a career girl through and through. Ask me to put an event together? No problem. Write a media kit? No problem. Ask me to cook a roast? PROBLEM!

Growing up, I spent most of my life with my Grandma L. and, I have to say, she was not the best cook. Remember the Shake 'n Bake commercial where they show the Shake 'n Bake pork chop next to the "dried out" pork chop? Well, I never thought anything was wrong with the dried out pork chop! Poor Grandma L., she did her best. But, I fear I am following in her footsteps.

I don't want to feed my niece things that are processed or come in a box. Ideally, I like to have dinners that are easy to make, tasty and nutritious. Now that the warm weather is near, we have been grilling outside more often. But, even still, I am afraid with all the chicken we've been eating that she will soon sprout feathers.

I recently tried out the Chop Shop in Birmingham to get some dinner assistance. The Chop Shop allows you to prepare either six or 10 meals using their recipes and ingredients. Once the meals are prepared they are placed in easy to freeze packaging that can be pulled out the night before to thaw and serve the next day. Along with cooking directions, side dishes are also suggested to serve with your meal. All you need to do is heat and eat. Each meal feeds four to six people, depending on the size of one's appetite.

I know that, with more planning, I could probably do this on my own. It was just nice to come home and not have to think about what I was going to make for dinner. Several of these types of "prepare your own meal" businesses have sprouted up around the Metro Detroit area. If you work or have a schedule filled with after-school activities, this may be something you will want to try out.

How far in advance do you plan your dinners? What do you do to get creative dinner ideas? What are some of your favorite Web sites you visit for dinner suggestions? Do you have an easy dinner recipe you can share?

Category: Mother's Day

Have you thanked your mom?

This Mother's Day is different for me. Not because I am now raising a child but because it's made me realize the hard work and effort it takes into raising just one child. I can't imagine what it takes to raise more than one.

The four months that I've had legal guardianship of my niece has given me a new respect for all mothers or people responsible for raising children. It's no easy task, especially after a long day of work, to manage a household, keep activities organized, run daily errands, get dinner on the table and play chauffeur for the little league team.

I'm sure that some days you would love to come home, take a nap or flop on the couch with a good book. But you don't because you're off to a soccer game, tennis lessons or grocery shopping.

I laugh now, because as I lay down certain disciplinary actions or make decisions that affect my niece, I recall similar decisions made by my grandmothers. When I was the one being disciplined I thought it was the most unfair thing in the world. Now I realize they made those decisions because they cared about me.

Being a mother is a thankless and selfless responsibility. I never realized the enormity of motherhood until my niece came to live with me. You know, I have never thanked my grandmothers, my aunt and my mom for making me the person I am today. Their experiences, counsel, mistakes and time have molded me into the woman I am today. So, thank you so much for everything!

Happy Mother's Day to all!

Category: Mother's Day

What are your Mother's Day traditions?

A co-worker asked me yesterday about the Mother's Day traditions in my family. He was trying to figure out what to do for his wife on Mother's Day because they will be out of town (together) and staying at a hotel for a family funeral. Hmmm ...

Someone asked him why he would get his wife a gift: "She's not YOUR mom!" But she is the mother of his children, so good enough reason to me - a sign of appreciation.

I guess we don't have a real year-to-year tradition. Usually there is some kind of gift and/or flowers from husband and kids and often breakfast in bed. Sometimes we do something special that day that I want to do (without grumbling by those who might not want to). Other times we get together with our out-of-town mothers and siblings. This year it will be just us (and one of my sisters) and I can tell my three men have nothing planned. They are waiting for me to do it. I'm hoping for nice weather and a relaxing day. I'm not cooking or shopping, that's for sure!

Maybe we'll can check out this list of Mother's Day activities to decide.

What about in your family? Do you spend it with your children or take the day for yourself? Do you expect (and get) big gifts or tokens of love and appreciation?

Category: Behavior

Do kids TXT 2 much?

My niece received a cell phone from a family member as a Christmas present. Call me old-fashioned, I know all the kids have them now, but I think 11 is too young to have a cell phone. I didn't say anything about it and let it go. After all, she had just moved in with me and was about to start a new school and make new friends. I didn't think it was fair to take her cell phone away.

My niece loved her cell phone so much that she would sleep with it under her pillow. As the weeks passed, she was full-on obsessed. She would text nonstop and, as I had come to discover, until the wee hours of the night. We were at the point where we could no longer carry on full conversations because they would constantly be interrupted by incoming text messages. Soon, she wasn't able to focus on her studies because she would not stop reading and responding to text messages. It was then that I realized I was going to have to limit her cell phone use.

The new rules are that during the week she could use her phone from the time I got home from work until 8 p.m. On the weekends she had free reign until 10 p.m. She took to the new rules well and did not protest too much.

It's been wonderful without that phone around all the time. We actually have full conversations and spend time together without being interrupted. Her grades are improving. Not having to hear her cell phone ring constantly is pretty nice, too.

Are your kids obsessed with their cell phones? Do you limit their cell phone time? Do you know if your child is text messaging and talking until all hours of the night?

Category: Pregnancy

Pregnant women continue to be discriminated against at work

Can you imagine in this day and age having to hide your pregnancy for fear of losing your job? It happens.

In a Detroit News story today, Detroit police officer Tisha Prater says she and many other female officers are forced to hide their pregnancies. She is headed to federal court to fight a policy that she says forces pregnant cops to go on unpaid leave.

Similar situations have cropped up around the country as the proportion of police officers who are female and the proportion of pregnant women who wish to continue working grow, said Joanna Grossman, a law professor at Hofstra University in Long Island, N.Y. That has increased the cost of allowing pregnant officers to go on restricted duty and has caused many departments to limit light duty to on-the-job injuries, Grossman said.

"It's just not fair that women want to have families and they have to be stressed out about where their paycheck is coming from," said Officer Terry Hardy, Prater's (female) scout car partner.

Amen!

I think this issue is really about unpaid leave vs. being reassigned to lighter duty during pregnancy. But the work-pregnancy problem isn't limited to police officers, of course. I've heard of actresses who hide their pregnancy while being considered for roles for fear of not getting the job. Some employers worry working mothers won't be as committed or will be distracted by child-rearing duties, while dads rarely face these kinds of presumptions. Others fear customers or fellow workers will feel uncomfortable around a pregnant woman. Sheesh!

In fact, the Pregnancy Discrimination Act protects pregnant women when it comes to hiring, leave and insurance.

A USA Today story noted that pregnancy discrimination cases are on the rise at a time when more women of child-bearing age are in the labor force: Women make up nearly half of the total labor force, and they're projected to account for more than half of the increase in total labor force growth from 2002 until 2012, according to the Department of Labor.

Have you been in this type of situation or know someone who has? You can comment here or vote in our poll on unpaid leave.

Category: Health

Health insurance should cover hearing aids

While Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton continue to battle it out for the Democratic presidential nomination - and it's looking more and more like Barack may be it - I'm just happy to know both support some form of national health care.

Like many people, for years I took for granted the fact that I had good insurance. It's not until something major happens that you suddenly realize just how lucky you are to have it. Approximately 47 million Americans don't have health insurance.

My first lesson in the importance of insurance was after my son, Will, was born. He spent 89 days in the neonatal intensive care unit at Beaumont Hospital before he passed away. I can't even imagine what the total bill for his care must've been. Fortunately, my husband and I didn't have to pay a dime. I'm still grateful for that.

I'm learning a lot more about insurance these days as I try to navigate the system for my daughter Hope. Hope, who is 6 months old, has a rare genetic condition called Cornelia de Lange Syndrome that involves developmental delay, growth problems and hearing issues.

Since birth, Hope has had moderate conductive hearing loss. That means she can hear some sounds but normal conversation to most people sounds like a whisper to her. It's called "conductive" hearing loss because her inner ear hearing -- where the nerves cells are located -- is essentially OK. The problem is something is blocking the sound from her outer ear to her inner ear, be it fluid, wax or possible problems with the bones in her middle ear.

Hope had tubes put in her ears almost two weeks ago with the hope that would open up things and address whatever may be blocking. Unfortunately, it only helped a little bit and we're in the process of getting hearing aids.

We've hit one big sticking point, though: our insurance doesn't cover hearing aids. I was flabbergasted by that. I called our insurance company, Health Alliance Plan (HAP) to explain that my daughter is only 6 months old and has had hearing loss since birth and question why hearing aids aren't covered. I was told I could fill out a grievance form.

I realize my daughter has far more medical issues than most children, but I wonder about kids who have a hearing impairment only and no other major health problems. Their parents are on their own to deal with something as basic and yet so critical as hearing? Hearing is the cornerstone to developing speech, language and communication. If it's impaired and not properly addressed early on, numerous other problems are likely to develop that could cost insurers even more.

Flipping through our policy, it's funny to think that rehab for a chemical dependency is a covered benefit but hearing aids aren't. Hmmm ...

My husband and I are applying now for supplemental insurance through the state for special needs kids called Children's Special Health Care Services, which does cover hearing aids.

In the meantime, I wonder how things will change if Hillary or Barack is elected president. Will national health care make life any easier for parents of special needs children like me? I don't know. It could create long waits and fewer choices when it comes to doctors. Republican candidate John McCain also supports health care reform, including giving families a refundable $5,000 tax credit to offset the cost of health care.

I just have one suggestion whichever candidate is elected and he or she pursues creating a national health care plan: Hearing aids should be a covered item!