Sales pitch gone wrong
I just got an e-mail in my inbox with the following subject line:
Motley Crue + Buckcherry + Papa Roach + Car Wash = Ultimate Music Video
Now I don't know about you, but my idea of the ultimate music video has nothing to do with a bunch of overly tattooed and pierced rocker dudes soaping each other up at a car wash.
But the video in question actually contains a bunch of bikini clad girls that look like strippers at said car wash, which seems to me an important part of the equation that was foolishly left out.
Here's what the e-mail should have read: "Motley Crue + Buckcherry + Papa Roach + Car Wash + tons of girls that look like strippers in bikinis = Ultimate Music Video"
OK, I'm glad we worked that out.
The Onion takes on the ancient practice of 'renting videos'
Going to the video store and renting a movie has never seemed so outdated as it does after watching this Onion video.
True, I still enjoy the occasional trip to Blockbuster, but I'm beginning to wonder if video stores will even exist five years from now.
Bonus points to the Onion for setting the clip in Auburn Hills. I worked at a Blockbuster in Rochester Hills around the same time as the guy who portrays the clerk in this video, so this could have been me.
Best. Couch. Gag. Video. Ever.
For all you "Simpsons" completists out there (me? I haven't even seen "The Simpsons Movie" yet), here's a video of all the "Simpsons" couch gags ever.
Watch for cameos from "The Flintstones," the Monty Python Foot, the Blue Man Group and Gumby.
Look out, SNLadies, here comes Casey Wilson
It's undoubtedly been Amy Poehler's year on "SNL," and Kristen Wiig has been bringing the thunder right behind her.
But hot on their heels is Casey Wilson, the fun, flirtatious newcomer who joined the cast in February when "SNL" returned from its writer's strike-imposed hiatus.
Wilson immediately made an impression on viewers, much like Wiig did upon her debut in 2005. Wilson was the straightwoman in the Christian Siriano "Fierce" sketch, and held her own against Poehler's scene-stealing Siriano caricature (her befuddlement at the goings on and spot-on line delivery -- "is that good, or... I'm sorry, I don't understand a word that you're saying" -- helped sell the skit's wild premise). She stepped up in the lead in the "Cougars" sketch, where along with Poehler, Wiig and host Amy Adams she played a saucy bargoer who's always a little too eager to break into a choreographed dance routine with her friends. But it was her breakout role as the paraplegic stripper in the closing sketch of the Ashton Kutcher episode that solidified her as a talent to watch.
Making her entire body go limp while Kutcher pushed, pulled and carried her across the stage, Wilson gave herself entirely to her character in an immensely physical performance. That she also managed to be sexy while going limp as a fish -- Wilson might be the sexiest female cast member ever to join "SNL" -- was quite a feat, as well.
Wilson, 27, comes from good stock -- she's a graduate of the the Los Angeles wing of the Upright Citizen's Brigade. She seems willing to completely de-glamorize herself for her comedy, her comedic timing is killer, and though she's just getting started, we think she's going to go far.
Make us proud, Casey.
Photo: NBC
Five people I'd rather see take over for Conan O'Brien
Jimmy Fallon? Are you serious?
He wasn't funny on "Saturday Night Live," where he was best known for his serial unprofessionalism, where he broke character and cracked up during just about every sketch.
His comedy album, "The Bathroom Wall," was utterly unmemorable, somewhere between the fifth and sixth Adam Sandler albums in terms of quality material.
And his post-"SNL" career? Let's see, there was "Taxi" with Queen Latifah and "Fever Pitch" with Drew Barrymore. Yep. Both awful.
So naturally, Jimmy Fallon is a perfect fit to take over for Conan O'Brien in 2009, right?
(Crickets chirping.)
Here's five people we'd rather see take over, narrowed from a list of thousands.
Jeff Garlin. It's time for a big man to rule late night TV, and the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star has a great big personality and sense of wit that's waiting to be unleashed on network airwaves.
John Mayer. I'm finally starting to come around to the comedic stylings of this bluesy rocker (this video helped) and I think he'd make a nimble host... just as long as he doesn't make Guitar Face during his celebrity interviews.
Casey Wilson. Where's the rule that says a woman is not allowed to host a late night talk show? This saucy new "SNL" star would be a natural fit in the 12:30 a.m. slot. Also on that note...
Sarah Silverman. The acerbic comic's monologues would be killer, and she'd hold nothing back in her ratings battle with boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel.
Me. Point is, anyone is better than Fallon -- with the possible exception of Carson Daly.
Current obsession: 'Ghost Whisperer'
I hate the phrase "guilty pleasure." For one, I don't like the implication that you have to apologize for liking something. It's either pleasurable or it's not. Do we really need to feel guilty about it? Also, the term is bantied about far too loosely these days, and plenty of things that are perfectly respectable in any context -- Gwen Stefani's solo output, for example -- is branded with the "guilty pleasure" tag.
That said, "Ghost Whisperer" is the closest thing to a "guilty pleasure" I currently know of.
"Ghost Whisperer" is one of those shows you don't even have to watch to know everything about. You already know it stars Jennifer Love Hewitt as the titular "Ghost Whisperer," or someone who can speak with the dead. That's really all you need to know -- and I'm not quite sure there is anything else to know.
Though it's been on CBS for three years, I never saw an episode until about three weeks ago, and I was immediately transfixed by how bad it was. Like, laughably bad, and embarrassed-for-all-involved bad. The episode I saw centered around an emo high school kid who was haunting his old classmates by sending them text messages while trying to solve his own murder, or something. During one scene, everyone at the school received a text message at the same time. Someone asked JLH how it would be possible that everyone could simultaneously receive the same text message, and she replied, with a straight face, "My guess? Ghosts." Because really, if it wasn't ghosts, would it really be a plot on "Ghost Whisperer?" (Besides, haven't you heard? There are totally sweet calling plans in the afterlife.)
The episode was strangely convoluted; there were subplots involving Jay Mohr (who plays JLH's buddy, or mentor, or skeptic, or something) and the emo kid's sister's sexuality, which ended up playing a major role in his death. It ended, as I'm pretty much sure all "Ghost Whisperer" episodes do, with JLH guiding the ghost into "the light" and fading off screen with all the technical proficiency of 1985 made for TV movie.
Love Hewitt, or "Love" as she used to be called during the days she was dating Carson Daly, spends most of her time on screen looking concerned, squinting her eyes and speaking in hushed tones. I wouldn't expect the Ghost Whisperer to be the captain of the cheerleading squad, but would it kill her to at least have a little fun in the role? (A Kristen Bell type could infuse the series with spark by at least winking at the silliness of the proceedings.)
I watched again the following week, and got a scary example of the show's idea of wit. The ghost in this particular episode was a horror buff who was haunting victims according to his favorite horror movies, and during one scene, Mohr (alas, the years since Bob Sugar have not been kind) was reading a list of the ghost's favorite horror flicks over JLH's shoulder. When he inevitably came to "I Know What You Did Last Summer" he paused, glanced at JLH, gave a knowing smirk and continued. Ghost Whisperer please.
"Ghost Whisperer" isn't so bad it's good, it's just bad. But there's something comforting in the predictability of it, and at least you don't need a slide rule, a compass and a working knowledge of 300 years of literature to watch it like you do with "Lost." Its story arcs wrap up in the span of an episode, the special effects make those on "Charmed" look like a Michael Bay blockbuster, and there's the inevitable oogling at JLH, who still looks like she did on "Party of Five" (though I'm sure a side by side comparison would reveal otherwise).
There's a reason this show has been on for three seasons... though I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe it's because on Friday nights people don't want to be challenged, they just want to have something on in the background while they wait for their pizza to arrive. Does that make it a guilty pleasure? Perhaps. But that's for the historians to decide long after we've all seen "the light."
Fact: Sometimes Ghost Whispering involves wearing low-cut nightgowns. (Photo: Michael Desmond/CBS)
Cut Copy at the Magic Stick: Hipster dance party heaven (if you're into that sort of thing)
For better or for worse -- and I think I'm mostly in the middle -- I don't know if I've ever seen more people at the Magic Stick dancing, making the floor rumble or nearly causing the sidestage speakers to topple over than I did Thursday during the spirited set by Aussie indie electronic act Cut Copy.
The bouncing came about four songs into the band's 45 minute set -- their Detroit debut -- and didn't let up until they were finished. The pogoing was awkward at first -- it began as moshing, as the dancers cleared the floor space directly in front of the stage for themselves -- but soon settled into a comfortable groove where the bouncers and head-nodders (that's more my style) were able to co-exist in different quarantined zones of the same space. (There was even a crowd surfer, a rarity in my experiences at the Stick.)
The band stuck mostly to its latest, "In Ghost Colours," a favorite among the bloggeratti and hipster nations (it's Pitchfork's highest rated album of the year so far, natch). The band is like New Order without the meloncholia, and live, tracks like "So Haunted" and "Lights and Music" provided the requisite pulsating rhythms the skinny jeans crowd needed to shake off their mid-to-late week blues.
The crowd, several hundred strong, was polite and receptive during opening sets by Mobius Band and Black Kids, but those two bands were mostly forgotten by night's end. It was Cut Copy's night, and as the floor rumbled beneath our feet during the looping, seemingly neverending "Hearts on Fire," it felt as though at any minute the floor could give way and we'd all end up scattered on the blowing alley below.
Props to the band for the references to the Mayor and Bill Laimbeer -- hilarious that Laimbeer's image is so tied to the city, even still -- and for showing up, delivering, and exiting stage right before overstaying their welcome.
Next up: A performance at Movement '09? We'll see, but the band proved Thursday it definitely knows how to ignite a dance floor.
Photo: The Windish Agency
'Speed Racer': From the makers of 'The Matrix,' or Mario Kart?
I know I haven't been kind to "Speed Racer," naming it my No. 2 least anticipated movie of the summer and all.
But secretly, I cannot wait to see it, and have been somewhat fascinated -- as well as mystified -- by it ever since I first saw its trailer.
Now, the first 7 minutes of the film are streaming online (Jason Street revealed!), and holy heck does it look maddening. Check it out:
Are we dizzy yet?
Tom Long was only so-so on "Speed"; he said it was like "being trapped in a blinding, meaningless pinball game." Me? I like my pinball to be meaningful.
My fave quote so far comes from Alonso Duralde of MSNBC, who says, "Imagine someone pouring hot, melted Starburst candies into your corneas, and you just begin to approximate the experience of Speed Racer, an ice-cream headache of a movie." (Multiple reviewers also made mention of Skittles, but I prefer the Starburst reference, and am kind of intriged by the idea of having melted Starbursts poured into my eyeballs.)
Side note -- If the film tanks beyond belief this weekend, the blame likely won't fall on co-star Christina Ricci, but maybe it should: Outside of Sharon Stone, few actresses have as spotty a box office track record as Ricci.
True, she rarely stars in films that are even remotely commercial, but outside of "Sleepy Hollow" she hasn't starred in one film that has made more than $35 million since becoming an adult actress.
Her recent films include "Penelope" ($9.9 million), "Black Snake Moan" ($9.3 million), "Cursed" ($19.2 million), "Monster" (a comparitively robust $34.4 million), "Anything Else" ($3.2 million) and "Pumpkin" ($.3 million).
Don't get me wrong, I love me some Ricci, but it's about time she starts making movies people want to actually, you know, see. Or perhaps can see without feeling like they've just had liquid molten Starbursts poured into their eyes.
Photo: Warner Bros. Pictures
First look at Oliver Stone's 'W'
Nah, this probably won't be controversial.
Photo: Josh Brolin as George W. Bush and Elizabeth Banks as Laura Bush (photo credit: Platon).
"Bush may turn out to be the worst president in history," Oliver Stone says in this week's Entertainment Weekly cover story. "I think history is going to be very tough on him. But that doesn't mean he isn't a great story. It's almost Capra-esque, the story of a guy who had very limited talents in life, except for the ability to sell himself... He's sort of a reverse Gatsby."
More on the film from Entertainment Weekly's cover story here.
'The Daily Show' gets all up in Kwame Kilpatrick's business
In case you haven't seen it yet...
"Oh, he was not fired! You know who might say something like that? Only a man stupid enough to send 14,000 incriminating text messages in four months to his mistress on a state-owned cell phone."
Full story here.
